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what is it with jews and seltzer anyway?
if i have a choice between plain water and seltzer i will always choose seltzer. why is this? i really have no idea. for starters, seltzer doesn’t even have a taste. second (secondly?), it has...
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lord grantham’s an ass & other thoughts on downton abbey, season 3, episode 5
the sisters of downton abbey: edith (jan brady), mary (marsha brady), and the (sob!) late sybil (the sexy one). seeing how i mostly watch bad reality tv and golden girls reruns, you were probably...
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thomas needs a boyfriend & mr. carson’s gay: downtown abbey, season 3, episode 6
THIS MAN NEEDS A BOYFRIEND. after sunday night’s epic two-hour episode of downtown abbey (season 3, episode 6), i think it’s safe to say two things: that thomas may never, ever leave and mr. carson is,...
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THAT SH*T’S F**KED UP: downton abbey season 6 finale
the original cast beverly hills 90210 in mom jeans. i know this is a post about downton abbey but bear with me here. let me tell you a story: back in the day, back in jersey, in the 90s, i was a big...
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holly, i’m sorry i told you to buy those sweatpants in petite
as a spouse/significant other, you are depended upon for both a) tasks and b) opinions. in our household, one of my tasks is that i make the coffee because you’re so good at it, holly says, batting...
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remember that one time we were on a low-carb diet and robbed a dunkin donuts?
first, the (big gay) elephant in the room: i kind of (read: totally) fell off the face of the earth for a minute. i told you about holly’s short sweatpants back in march and then i left you hanging for...
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f*ck yeah, baltimore.
i took this photo from a sailboat. even though it smells terrible, hot damn i love that doggone sugar plant. lord knows i’ve had my issues with this city. LORD KNOWS. I HAVE HAD. MY ISSUES. WITH THIS...
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it’s almost fall: here’s all the sh*t that needs to end.
oh beautiful crunchy fall leaves! what a friggin concept. can we do the damn thing already? damn! it’s mid september–hence almost fall, my FAVORITE SEASON–and i’m pissed. i wait ALL YEAR for this time...
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we watched “poltergeist” the other day. that was a mistake.
IT’S NOT CLEAN! IT’S NOT. CLEAN!!!! you can add this to my list of recent bad decisions, including but not limited to after-lunch hula hooping (i hiccupped every five minutes for about, oh, five hours)...
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every once in a while our periods collide & our house pretty much goes up in...
i should start this post by saying that this entry talks about periods and hormones and if you have a problem with that, you should probably leave right now because sh*t’s about to get real around...
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no but seriously if one more person calls me ma’am i’m gonna cutta b*tch
“go ahead. call me ‘ma’am’ one more time.” so we were in holly’s hometown of butler, PA, over thanksgiving and we went to the mall on black friday. which honestly? is like an average day at a mall in...
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10 reasons why i’m actually a senior citizen
my people. i have long suspected that i’m actually a senior citizen in a young(er) person’s body. and not, like, what aarp considers a “senior” (55. puh-lease! 55 is the new 35!) no no no, i’m talkin...
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NOBODY LIKES YOU, LORD GRANTHAM. NOT EVEN YOUR MOM. (downton abbey season 4...
how could such a cool lady have such a loser son? when we left off, i had given up on downton abbey. matthew was dead. sybil was dead. everything was in chaos and i couldn’t take it anymore. but that...
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the one in which i’m too depressed and shocked to write a downton abbey review
i thought i might have something funny to say about last night’s downton abbey until the last five minutes. let’s put that aside for a minute while i share some general insights: 1. i really had no...
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holly’s going to leave me for savannah guthrie
when it comes to women, holly is nearly powerless against what we’ve labeled in our household as the Triple Threat. a woman that displays the Triple Threat is: 1, smart. 2, sexy. and 3, funny. there...
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remember that time we got in a fight before downton abbey and i made you...
I MISSED GIRLS, TOO. NOT HAPPY. i barely remember what happened in the last episode of downton abbey (season 4, episode 4) because it’s been so long since i watched it. actually. actually no. it hasn’t...
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a note to manufacturers: not everyone likes rosemary so stop putting it in...
WHY WHY WHY. apropos of nothing (mental note: learn how to spell “apropos” so google can stop correcting you. also learn: synagogue, initiative, occasional. oh and aesthetic, which, hello, practically...
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EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO STOP RIGHT NOW.
i’ve been short on time lately. so in lieu of an actual coherent post, i’ve simply compiled a list of annoyances to share with you. i started writing it in a barnes & noble, shortly after a day...
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there’s a hole in the ozone above where i do my hair
so now that it’s may in baltimore, two things are certain: 1) i will be sweating until early to mid october. possibly til halloween, depending on weather patterns. 2) my hair is now huge, only to get...
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LORD HELP US WE’RE DOING A CLEANSE (DAY 1: OMG)
so holly finally got the go-ahead from our acupuncturist to do this food-based cleanse she’s been bugging her about for, like, the past year and a half. as in: holly’s been bugging our acupuncturist,...
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